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Stories/Divine Office Christmas
WARNING: OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE, SWEARING AND CRUDE HUMOR Plot The gods of the Jade Paper Company have a big day ahead of them when they're tasked with setting up a Christmas party as for their CEO Izanami, Japanese Goddess of Death. but can they set apart their differences and make Christmas fun for everybody? Especially then things as usual go sideways... Cast ♠ - denotes a character's first appearance. ♦ - denotes a cameo, minor appearance, or mention only. ♣ - denotes a character's final appearance. * Amaterasu ♠ * Lao Tzu ♠ * Tsukuyomi ♠ * Izanagi ♠ * Quetzalcoatl ♠ * Coyolxauhqui ♠ * Izanami ♠ Story (Tsuyukomi: Today is going to to be the best day ever, it'll be so much fun!) Tsukuyomi walks through the door of the office. *'Tsukuyomi:' Its colder than a witch's #ss out there! (Tsukuyomi: Our manager Izanami has appointed me and my assistant Keith to throw the first official Jade Paper Christmas party.) Keith sets a plate of crisps on the table. *'Tsuyukomi:' No I said no carbs! He throws the plate into the wall along with its contents. (Tsuyukomi: Our CEO, Izanami, the Goddess of Death as well as Izanagi's former wife, will also be attending to congratulate us on being the top performing branch in the company ever since last July, when our HR Person decided to fire himself.) Cut to Tsuyukomi at his phone as a burst of light fills the room behind him followed by someone falling over. *'Tsuyukomi:' Finally. (Coyolxauhqui:'The fact that its a Japanese Deity that's throwing the party, and he has a pretty sh#tty track record on things is kind of my only issue with all this. My only real Christmas wish this year is for my wheelchair to not be stolen.) ('Amaterasu: Christmas is a meh time of year for me. I mean, its not like I don't celebrate the festivities or anything.) Amaterasu tosses a bunch of Christmas decoration into the bin. (Amaterasu: There's nothing wrong with the decoration, but I don't know where they got them, but they smell really weird, and I can smell them from far away.'' As she's saying them, Tsuyukomi and Keith are re-applying the decoration. ----- *'Tsuyukomi:' Izanagi I want a raise! Tsuyukomi gets wacked in the head by a flower pot. Meanwhile, Coyolxauhqui is on the floor, unable to move. *'Coyolxauhqui:' HELP! Someone stole my f#cking wheelchair I'm gonna kick you godd##n #ss! *'Quetzalcoatl:' Learn to walk you f#cking REDACTED! *'Coyolxauhqui:' F#CK YOU! *'Lao Tzu:' Yeah ya lazy piece of sh#t! Lao Tzu goes back to his phone. *'Lao Tzu:' Yes ma'am, I'm still here. (Lao Tzu: Well, my resolution last year was to hang myself.) ---- Tsuyukomi is looking out of the window. *'Tsuyukomi:' Sh#t she's here! To Keith tell Izanami his b#tch of an ex-wife and CEO's here! Go! Keith rushes off. *'Tsuyukomi:' To the rest of the workers Attention all of you! The CEO is here! I need you all to look like you smote a demon! ---- (Izanagi: Am I afraid of her? I mean, she's a complete #sshole, but like-) Keith bursts in through the door. *'Keith:' She's here. *'Izanagi:' Oh Godd##nit! Trying to put his tie on. ---- Izanagi get out to greet Izanami. *'Izanagi:' Hey, nice to see you, thanks for making it to our... party! Category:Stories Category:Stories by ItzXenos Category:Solo stories